May edition: The funny things they say

May 3, 2013
Riley chatting to herself in the car and this is what I hear:
Daddy, Roy.  Mommy ... Mommy ... Mommy?  Daddy, Roy!  Mommy, MOMMY!
Translation: My Daddy's name is Roy.  Mommy's name is?  Hmmmm?  Ok, so my Daddy is Roy.  Mommy is MOMMY!

May 4, 2013
L: Are you going to have a baby one day?
R: Mine no baby.  Mine big girl.
Me: No, sweetie, he was asking if you are going to HAVE a baby one day.  Are you going to be a Mommy?
R: Yes! (pause) Mommy big girl have baby?
Me: Yes.
L: So, I don't really get it.  How do you just think about having a baby and then (totally cut off by Riley's babbling) ...
Me: OK, Leighton, what was your question?
L: How do you just decide to have a baby and then the thought gets .... how does a thought get from your brain (points to my head) to your tummy (points down)?
Me: Yeah, Daddy, how do you just decide to have a baby?

May 4, 2013
Me: (cough)
Riley: Bless you, Mommy.
Me: thank you, Riley, but I didn't sneeze, I coughed.
Riley: Bless you cough.

May 11, 2013
As we were standing in line to pay today, Leighton looked at a package of Life Savers and asked me, "Do these really save your life, Mommy?"  At first I thought he was joking, but he had a very serious look on his face.  I asked to be sure, but he really was serious.  I explained they were candy and the reason for their name.  And then we both laughed!

May 13

Everyday on our way home from picking Leighton up at school, we pass the same homeless man on the corner.  On this day, Leighton asked me, "Is he a caveman?"  I told him that the man wasn't a caveman and asked why he thought that.  He says, "Me and Daddy were talking about cavemen outside the GAP while you were shopping and Daddy said cavemen were hairy and that man is really hairy."

May 16

Riley and I were in line to pay at Target when she grabbed my cheeks and looked me right in the eyes to ask me, "Why other one boys need Mommy?" This was the rest of the conversation:

Me: What boys?

Riley: Boys outside. Looking at mommy.  

Me: In the parking lot?

Riley: Yes. Want up to Mommy. Why other one boys need Mommy?

It was our turn to pay and the rest of our day went on. It kind of wierded me out that she was talking about some boys that wanted me to pick them up in the parking lot when I didn't even see them, so I asked her about it at home later on. This is what she said:

Me: Riley where were the other one boys that wanted up to Mommy?

Riley: One boy.  In car. In parking lot. Want up Mommy.

Still not sure how to process this one. Was there a boy in a car crying and she thought he wanted me to get him? Was there a picture of a boy lifting his arms up in some bumper sticker? Is she seeing dead people?!?!

May 17 Today Riley and Leighton were doing some art together. Riley brought over her red marker and said, "Help open? Sometimes red hard. Don't know why." They way she added the 'don't know why' was so funny because it included a little shoulder shrug. May 17 After Riley and Leighton completed a joint piece of artwork, he took it and put it up in the living room and got her to come look at it with him. This is what I heard him saying to her, "Do you know what this kind of art is called? Abstract." Then she repeated 'abstract' in some random way.

May 18

Tonight while Riley was falling asleep, this is what we heard over the monitor:  "Leighton gumball head.  Ha ha ha ha ha.  Daddy penis.  Ha ha ha ha ha."

May 19

We had an interesting couple of days with children's messes to clean up. I don't need to share the specifics, but some real fun came out of it when Roy was bathing the kids and I hear him start singing all about poop and vomit in the style of the music from Les Mis (which we had just watched a few nights before). I wish I had it on video. It was classic.

May 21

We were looking at some pictures and apparently in one I was showing some cleavage because Riley points and says, "Hey! Why mommy's milks coming out?"

May 22

I was in the kitchen and Riley went into the laundry bathroom to pee.  This is what I heard: "Girls pee like this, boys pee like this, mommy pee like this, daddy.pee like this."  I went in after a while and asked her what she was talking about.  She proceeded to show me how girls sit and boys stand and what directions they face all while repeating the same, "Girls pee like this, boys pee like this, Mommy pee like this, Daddy pee like this."  It was pretty cute.

May 22

Today I was reading a book to Riley that is a Canadian counting book. The page was supposed to count beavers. By complete mistake I said Bieber instead of beaver. I laughed at myself. He is Canadian!!!

May 24

When I told Leighton that Lindsey and Charlie were coming over to swim, this was the following conversation:

Leighton: Will Charlie swim

Me: I assume so. Yes.

Leighton: Like really swim. Not just sit on the edge drinking beer.

May 24

I was trying to find items that Riley had spread throughout the house before bath and asked her, “Where is the top of your bathing suit? Where did you put it?” She looked at me and said, “In belly button.” and then proceeded to laugh hysterically along with her father!

May 24

Leighton's school had lemonade day today. When I asked what kind he chose to buy (each class made a different kind), he told me sprike lemonade. We think he meant Sprite!

May 24

This isn't a funny by one of my kids, but it took me so long to figure out what was being said that I had to include it because it was so cute. Today when I was at the Splash Day at Leighton's school, one of his friends (Madi) wanted to ask me a question about my camera while she was hula hooping. She wanted to know if I could put my camera on le-corn. It took a while, but I figured out she wanted to know if I could put it on record!

May 25

Tonight when Roy was changing his shirt, Leighton mentioned that his belly was lumpy. And they he said, “Hey you have a trampoline belly!”

May 27

Today out of the blue, Riley told me “My no want to buy Mommy.  Mommy too expensive.”

May 27.

Roy was reading a CARS book with Riley and was asking her about the different cars and who she liked. Then he took a turn …

Roy: I like Sally. 

Kids: Why?

Roy: She has nice lights.

Me: (laughing hysterically!!!!)

May 27
Leighton: Did God give us fingers and stuff?

Me: Some people believe that.

Leighton: Was God a caveman?

May 28

Leighton was invited to attend the Kindergarten Awards Day to receive some awards for his reading. He told his teacher in the morning that he needed to practice his speech! She told him that she wasn't sure he would get to give a speech but that being prepared just in case was always a good idea.

May 29

On the way to our Wednesday afternoon play group, Leighton asks, “So, who started the playgroup anyway?” I told him that one of the mommies had explained it to me and I couldn't remember how they all came together but we could ask. He follows up with, “Was it God?”

May 30

Riley went into the bathroom and came out very proud to share, “Mine pee all by self. No mommy, no Daddy, No Leighton. Just Riley.”

May 30

On the way home today, I hear Riley in the back saying, “Caveman, caveman, caveman.” as we pass the homeless man on the corner.

May 30

Leighton was writing in his room after school and was asking me for different topic ideas. Riley pipes up with “ginas! ginas!” so I had to tell her than I didn't think Leighton wanted to write about vaginas and suggested apple trees instead!

May 30

While I made dinner, I suggested Riley go to her kitchen and do some cooking, too. After a while I hear her yell, “Leighton come eat. Mine made yummy food for dinner.” And then I sent him in there to follow along with the game she had started. He was a very wonderful dinner guest and sat at her table eating all the foods she made him. It was incredibly sweet.

May 31
We have been the most incredibly neglectful parents with Riley and have never really done any animal sounds with her ... and she is over 2.5!!!  Anyway, we've been talking about it with her lots lately and last night we were getting the kids to act like different animals.  Want to know what Riley says for some animal sounds?

Riley, what does an owl say?  Owl, owl!
Riley, what does a cat say?  Not a cat.  A meow.
Riley, what does a dog say?  Whup, whup!
Riley, what does a duck say?  Back, Back, Whack!

Apparently, we've got some work to do!!!